The ability to drive a car is something that many of us take for granted.

It becomes second nature, and so we don’t always appreciate the amount of work our brain is doing when it calculates stopping distances or checks if it’s safe to make a left turn. The brain is working hard when we drive — and at a pace it can’t keep forever.

Drivers need the ability to make quick decisions and take quick action. But as we age, we simply s l o w down.

Whether the result of a chronic disease, such as Alzheimer’s, or the product of normal aging — both of which affect motor skills, reaction times and visual acuity — most of us will have to hang up our car keys eventually.

Experts agree that it’s something we should all eventually plan for.

Unfortunately, many of us don’t.

Be Proactive. Have the Discussion Early.

Too often, we wait until a friend or loved one’s driving is dangerously unsafe to talk to them about hanging up the keys. But if we avoid the conversation until unsafe driving becomes an urgent problem and an immediate intervention is necessary, we also lose the opportunity to approach the situation as a team and with forethought and preparation.

Like drafting a will and making end-of-life preparations, having a discussion about the eventual decision to stop driving is something that all families should do. Not only does this allow the individual to be involved and mentally prepare themselves, but it gives the entire family plenty of time to explore driving alternatives and make a plan together.

The conversation may not be an easy one, but it’s an important one to have nonetheless. 

Make It A Discussion, Not A Demand

No matter when the discussion takes place, it is important that the conversation not look or feel like a confrontation. People often have an emotional attachment to driving — equating it to freedom and independence — and the idea of giving that up could be troubling.

Making it a 1-on-1 conversation with a close family member or friend, as opposed to a sudden group intervention, can go a long way toward making the individual feel comfortable talking openly about the topic.

Being suddenly surrounded by people telling them not to drive can feel threatening and unfair, but an intimate conversation with an empathetic ear makes the experience a discussion, not a demand.

Avoid Accusation & Blame

Another way to prevent the conversation from becoming a confrontation is to avoid saying anything that implies blame or sounds like an accusation. After all, hanging up the keys is not a matter of anyone being wrong, but of everyone being safe.

It is a matter that needs to be handled very carefully and with patience, empathy, and generosity.

There are several ways to approach the conversation in a non-confrontational way: 

• Emphasize their safety in the discussion by expressing your concern as primarily for their wellbeing.


• Focus on the facts of the situation and the consequences moving forward, not blame for the past.


• Assure them that you are on their side and will help them figure out a plan to move forward together.

Another effective strategy can be to frame the discussion with your own worries about driving. If one side of the conversation admits to having concerns about their ability to react in an emergency, such as a child running out into the street, then the other person may feel more comfortable acknowledging their own fears and experiences too.

Call In a Professional

If someone’s driving has become unsafe, but they refuse to stop driving, there are alternatives to hiding the keys or disabling the vehicle.

In Florida, individuals can anonymously report medically unsafe drivers to the state’s Medical Review Program, under the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles. Reports are reviewed and, if deemed necessary, the state can revoke that person’s license, permanently or temporarily. This ruling can be appealed by the driver.

Resources

Need more help to start the conversation with a loved one? Check out the resources below for guidance and assistance in planning life after driving. 

We Need To Talk (Video)— This free, online AARP seminar walks you through assessing a loved one’s driving skills and broaching the conversation productively.

Seniors Bluebook — This website is full of resources and services for seniors in the Sarasota, Manatee and Charlotte counties. Local resource specialists also are available via phone, free of charge.

The Department of Elder Affairs — This statewide agency is dedicated to helping Florida seniors with everything from legal representation to transportation needs. The Elder Help Line is available at 1-800-963-5337.

As a Sarasota Memorial copywriter and wordsmith, local journalist Philip Lederer crafts a variety of external communications for the healthcare system. He earned his Master’s degree in Public Administration and Political Philosophy from Morehead State University, Ky.